He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
