I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
