We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize