just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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