I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize