also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
