hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
