Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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