Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
