Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
