i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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