cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
