hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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