He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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