I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
