my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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