i permit you to call me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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