I think my vagina is haunted
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
