Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
