im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
