Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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