I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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