If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
