Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
