she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
