I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize