You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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