I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
