Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
