I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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