I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
