is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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