Plan B is the new Plan A
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
