I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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