man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
