Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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