i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
