Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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