hell yes lets make some ravioli
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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