I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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