so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
