If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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