Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize