oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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