I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
