How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
