So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
