You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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