That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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