I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
