all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
