shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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