it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
