Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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