whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
