My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I skipped work to stalk him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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