Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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