I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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