I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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