he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
