are you so shy because you have an std?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
