Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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