he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
