did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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