I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
