apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
