the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
