Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
