So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
