he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
