This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
