Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
