well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
