My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
