Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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