I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
