I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
