i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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