I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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