I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
