i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
